Live and Learn: ​Being a Good Neighbor to a Veteran

by David Burton, Community development specialist, Extension professional
University of Missouri Extension

When a veteran moves in next door, it’s natural to want to say “thank you for your service”—but what really matters most is how we follow that up. 

“Veterans often face a tough transition from military life back to civilian life. As neighbors, we can play a meaningful role in helping them feel welcomed, understood, and connected,” said Joshua Shinn, a community development specialist with University of Missouri extension and leader of the Veterans Read program.

Start with respect, not assumptions.

Veterans come from all walks of life. Some served in combat; others did logistics, intelligence, or humanitarian work. Not all want to talk about their service, and that’s okay. Instead of pressing for stories or assuming trauma, treat your veteran neighbor like you would anyone else: as a whole person with interests, goals, and experiences beyond the military.

Build trust through simple acts of kindness.

Simple things go a long way. Say hello. Bring over fresh tomatoes from your garden. Offer to lend a tool or help carry a heavy item. These everyday gestures help build trust and make a veteran feel like part of the neighborhood.

Common interests are great bridges—whether it’s cheering on the local team, fishing at a nearby lake, or attending community event. Shared experiences help ease the feeling of being “different” or out of place.

Support your veteran neighbor without overstepping.

If your neighbor opens up about needing help—whether it’s with VA benefits, job resources, or mental health—be ready to listen and gently point them toward local support systems, where organizations like the Missouri Veterans Commission and local VFW posts can help.

It’s also okay not to have all the answers. Sometimes, just being a consistent and caring presence is enough.

If you notice signs of isolation, distress, or withdrawal, don’t ignore them. Check in. A simple “You doing okay?” can mean a lot. If you’re seriously concerned, help them connect with resources like the Veterans Crisis Line (dial 988, then press 1).

Being a good neighbor still matters.

At the end of the day, being a good neighbor to a veteran isn’t about grand gestures—it’s about steady kindness, quiet respect, and offering space to reconnect at their own pace. When we show up for each other, especially for those who’ve served, we make our town stronger for everyone.